Shattered by Love Read online

  “Jayce, I don’t really care what you believe. I need a drink.” He relaxes, but fixes me with narrowed eyes. He won’t let it go. I guess honesty is the best option. “Fine. My ex walked into my office today. He asked me to design his fiancée’s wedding dress.”

  “Are you fucking joking?” I shake my head as the waiter returns and sets our drinks on the table.

  “Are you ready to order, or would you like a few more minutes?”

  “Give us a few.” The deep rumble of Jayce’s voice tells me he’s not in a good mood after what I just confessed. Once we’re alone again, steel blue locks on me. “Ken, you can’t be seriously considering it.” Without answering him, I sip my drink not meeting his glare. “Fuck me. You’re more of an adult than I am. I would have told him to fuck right off.”

  “I left him, Jay.” Those words bring back a series of memories of the day I walked out on Cole Ashford. When my choice to leave a man, I thought I would be with forever broke me.

  “It doesn’t matter, Kenna.”

  His voice rises in frustration, and I recognize the emotion that’s thick in the air between us. This will never be what we both seem to lack, but it’s nice to have someone who cares.

  “Well, we’re going to his wedding, so I can show you off in front of him.” Swirling my glass, I gulp the strong liquid and as it burns its way down my throat, I revel in the ache.

  “The one you’re giving me shit about? That’s him? Cole Ashford?” I nod. The vodka is stronger than I expected and I feel the buzz tingling through me. “He called me a few minutes ago, he wants me to fly in early.”

  “Me too. I will be doing a final fitting there. His fiancée seems to be a tyrant from what I understand.” Jayce’s chuckle is loud and I can’t help staring at him.

  “That’s what rich girls are like.” The wince on his face is obvious and I wonder what that was about, but I don’t get a chance to ask because the waiter appears to take our order. The salad I ask for will probably go uneaten. My stomach has been in knots since Cole left my office. Who am I kidding? It’s been a flurry of butterflies since he walked into my office.

  “Are they? I wouldn’t know.” My words test him, his jaw ticks and I realize there is something he is dying to say. Shaking his head, he brings the glass to his full lips and I watch him down his beer.

  “Maybe I should leave. I’m not good company tonight.” His response is rough, his hungry stare is on me and I feel it all the way to my core. He’s angry, not with me, but there’s something bothering him.

  “Why? Because you’re still hung up on her? It’s okay, Jayce, I am not stupid. You’re just a distraction to me as well. Why don’t we go to your place and you can fuck out your frustration?”

  “Kenna—”

  “No, I am serious. We both need it. Let’s do it.” He doesn’t reply. Signaling for the bill, he pulls out a hundred and drops it on the table.

  “Let’s go.” He rises, holding out a hand to me. We head out to the curb and a cab stops a few minutes later. The silence that surrounds us is brimming with emotion.

  As soon as we step into Jayce’s apartment, he slams me against the closed door, pinning me with his hips. His erection presses into my belly. “I want to photograph you. Will you allow me to?” He growls in my ear. The gruffness of his voice and the way his hands travel over my sides has my body responding.

  “Is that your foreplay?” I tease, but the look in his molten stare tells me I guessed right.

  “You’re going to take off your clothes. I need you only wearing those tiny panties you love.” He spins around and stalks down the hall. My mind is whirling with confusion, my blood heats with lust and desire while I wander into the living room waiting for him to return. I haven’t really been a visitor here before, but the frigidness of his apartment matches the man inside.

  Cold. Hard. Harsh.

  When he returns, his eyes drift over me. “You can change in the bedroom.” I nod and walk past him. The hallway that leads into the rest of his home is filled with black and white stills.

  He has an eye for photography which is an incredible gift. As I enter his bedroom, my eyes fall to the nightstand. Having never been in here before and seeing where he sleeps feels somehow too personal. Like I am peering into his heart. There is a photo frame laying face down on the dark wood. Curiosity gets the better of me and I head to the bed. Trembling fingers lift the tiny steel square and I shiver when I see the strangers staring back at me.

  She was a blue-eyed blonde, with a smile that lit up the picture, but what shocks me the most is the look on his face. Jayce Alexander was in love with her. Still is. The shimmer in his eyes is palpable, even in the fading photo. Finding the source of his pain hits me right in the chest. Both of us are trying to get over someone, although, deep down, I know we’re both lost souls. There is no getting over it. Ever.

  I strip off, thankful that I decided on matching underwear. The black lace and silk is elegant and sexy. Suddenly I feel unsure of myself. Leaving my heels on, I fluff out my hair and check my make-up. Inhaling a deep breath, I join him in the open plan living room. It is sleek, modern, and chic, but masculine all at the same time.

  Jayce’s eyes pin me to the spot. “You’re gorgeous.” A blush heats my cheeks and I glance down at my shoes. After all the times I have been naked with him, he’s never looked at me like he is now.

  “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” A smirk tugs on his full lips. Confidence forces my legs forward, and I make my way to the man who seems almost broken standing in his beautiful home. “Are you okay?” As I reach for him, his gaze flits up and there’s something hard—closed off—about him.

  “I want you on the chair, over there. Kneel on it.” Without a word, I follow his direction. The large charcoal wingback chair is positioned at the bay window. A view of the city twinkling outside greets me. The full moon is hanging low in the black sky. Moments later the low lights above me blink off and we’re in darkness. The only illumination coming from the silver plate in the sky. The camera clicks behind me sending goose bumps skittering over my body. A sound system comes alive, and I hear the familiar voice of Jacquie Lee singing Broken Ones.

  The song is so sad, which seems like a strange choice because I am naked, well, almost and he’s behind me with a camera.

  “Jayce—”

  “Shhh, princess.” He moves around me, clicking. “Open your legs.” I obey. I’m bent at the waist and when I turn my head, I find him on the floor on his knees. He’s taking a photo of my face from an angle at my feet. The lighting on it must be exquisite because from where I am, he is magnificent. “Face forward.”

  There’s no point in arguing, so I look ahead of me, out the window. Shutting my eyes, his warm breath whispers on the back of my thighs. Jayce is so broken, so fragile, but so commanding, and you’d never see it unless you knew him well.

  Silence surrounds us and I strain to hear him, but there’s nothing. Not the click of a camera. Not a shuffle. Then I hear a low growl emanating from him.

  “Fuck, princess, you are incredible.” His strong calloused hands stroke the sensitive skin of my inner thighs sending waves of pleasure through me. He grasps my ass, squeezing and I instinctively push against him.

  “Jayce, please?”

  “What, princess? Do you really want me? A cold heartless bastard?” Twisting to face him, I see the shattered heart in the dark gaze he pins me with, his pain is evident.

  “Yes. Take it out on me, all your agony, all your anger.” I don’t know where the words come from, but I didn’t need to say any more. That was all it took for the animal inside this incredible man to stir. He stalks to me, gripping my long hair, tugging my back to his bare chest.

  “You want to feel me?” A slow thrust of his hips slides his thick hard cock between the cheeks of my ass. “Deep in that tight little hole, Kenna. You want me to unleash my fucking animal on your perfect little body?” The base growl that vibrates through him sends delicious sh
ivers skittering over my skin.

  “Use me, Jayce.” That was all he needed to hear because the scrap of material I call a thong is ripped from my hips. His eyes that were once ice-blue are now dark stormy pools that should have made me fear him, instead they make my pussy pulse with need. He releases his hold on my hair, and the shuffle of his boxers and jeans is the only sound in the room. Foil ripping echoes around us and suddenly, with no other words, he sinks into me.

  Deep.

  Fierce.

  Rough.

  “Jesus, princess, your little cunt is so fucking good.” He pounds into me. His filthy words have me clenching around his cock. This isn’t making love, the pain in his heart, the ache in mine, all come together in a harsh and brutal fuck.

  My body hums with pleasure as he takes me from behind. The depth of his rigid erection hits the most sensitive spot inside me, sending me spiraling as I find release. I tighten around him as my orgasm splinters through me like waves crashing on the shore. “That’s it, take my fucking dick.”

  His gruff words, and hoarse tone prickle my skin. I feel his cock thicken inside me, and his body stiffens as his release shatters through him.

  Last night was good, great in fact, but deep down I realize I can’t keep doing this. Once the wedding has come and gone, I am leaving LA. I don’t have anything tying me to this city and I can make a clean start somewhere else. My best friend will understand once I explain it to him and Cassie.

  I flop onto my bed, stare at the gray ceiling and wonder where I could go. Luke spent more time here than I ever did. It’s never been home to me, I suppose it’s because I am not with the woman I love. I ran away from my past, from Ivy, my mother—and everything I knew—to this place.

  * * *

  “You’re running around with that spoiled brat. Don’t you bring him into my fucking house, you hear me?” Staring at my mother, I realize she’s drunk again. The money that we saved for dinner she spent on cheap bourbon. Her face is contorted with anger and all I want to do is run.

  “Yes, I know.” Turning towards my room, I shut the door behind me, hoping to block out her hollering. There’ll be men in here later, there always are. They don’t bother me, and I don’t bother them because my life means more to me since most of them are nasty fuckers. She does it for the drugs and her downward spiral has gotten worse. I doubt she’ll ever come back from it.

  I have no idea why I come home. Why I even bother seeing her when she’s like this.

  Grabbing my jacket, I shrug it on and make my way out to the driveway. Hopping on my bike, I head toward my best friend’s place, as I weave through the cars, his house becomes visible; a two-level mansion with large windows that overlook the park.

  His bedroom has its own private balcony with an incredible view. He has a built-in closet that’s about the same size of my bedroom, it’s pure fucking luxury. Parking my bike against the fence, I lock the chain in place and bound up the stairs to the front door but before I can knock, it swings open. Lucien’s green eyes are sparkling with mischief and I wonder what he’s got planned for us today.

  I have been coming here for so long it’s like my second home. We’re on spring break which I dread, because I have to see my mother and as he takes in my expression, he frowns. “Jay. Are you okay?” I shake my head as I step inside. “Is she drunk again?”

  “Yeah, you know. The usual.” I reply as we make our way upstairs. When his step-mother is home, we hide out in his room since she’s a tyrant and seems to hate me. No idea why since I have done nothing to anger her.

  “What do you want to do? Studying sucks. Maybe we should go to the cheerleading practice, Ivy is there.” Our eyes lock and I can’t help the grin that spreads on my face. That blonde beauty will be the death of me. She is the head of the cheerleading squad. I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. She made my heart race and my dick hard.

  I haven’t spoken to her yet because I am away at college in LA and come back home only when we have a break it’s not enough time to get into something serious. I know she graduates this year, and she’s applied and been accepted to UCLA.

  “Let’s do that. Maybe we’ll find you a girl too.” Jumping up, we head down to Luke’s car, the Mustang, his father bought him when he turned sixteen. It’s a beautiful piece of machinery, and to be honest, I am jealous. He’s a lucky fucker. I guess I am too because he’s been my best friend for most of my life. His dad has accepted our friendship and treats me like I am part of his family.

  My own father didn’t even give me a proper goodbye. I was told by a lawyer that I got a small trust fund when I turned eighteen which I needed to use for college, but other than that, I haven’t seen him since I was a child. I suppose he couldn’t take my mother any more, he’s lucky to be rid of her. Even though she carried me for nine months, she’s never been a parent. There is no love between us and I doubt there ever will be.

  “Dude, pull in over there, I have to check out the photography store.” It’s Saturday afternoon and they’re closing soon. Luke pulls into the parking spot and I jump out before he’s killed the engine. I stare at the beautiful Canon EOS 7D Mark II in the window even though I can’t afford it right now. Life hasn’t afforded me many luxuries, but soon all that will change. I am still studying for my Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and my focus is on photography. That’s where my passion lies, it always has.

  My choice to push further for a Masters degree has me excited at the possibilities. It’s another two or three years to study, but in the long run, it will give me a future worth living for. I turn twenty-one in two months, and Lucien’s dad has promised me an internship once I am ready.

  “Is this the one you were telling me about?” I nod. Luke walks into the store and I watch him talking to the man behind the counter. My eyes drop to my shoes. I can’t bring myself to walk inside. Moments later the bell rings on the door and my best friend leans toward me. “This is yours. Happy birthday, brother.” My gaze snaps up to him.

  “No way. I can’t take this Luke.”

  “Sure you can. One day when you’re my lead photographer at Verán Publishers, pay me back.” He winks and strolls away, unlocking the car and sliding into the driver’s seat with a shit eating grin on his face. Fucker knows me too well.

  * * *

  My phone buzzes on the nightstand ripping me from the memory. Grabbing it, I slide my finger across the screen and find a message from Kenna.

  * Thanks for last night. You helped more than you know. K *

  A smile curls my lips and I hit reply.

  * And you distracted me, more than you know. *

  It’s true, she did. For that time, I got lost in the fantasy we played out, but when I woke up this morning and she was gone, I realized I can’t do it anymore. I reach for the remote and turn on the television. Instead of watching the damn thing, I need it for the noise because the silence becomes too much living alone.

  Most of my teenage years were spent with my earphones in to keep the noise out. Now, when it’s too quiet, I can’t handle it. When the news starts, I am about to switch channels, but my attention is drawn by the girl on screen. My heart is about to beat its way out of my chest and anxiety coils deep in my gut. This can’t be happening, but it’s right there in black and white.

  The past I steered clear of all these years is about to burst into my life and crash through the high fucking walls I built, dragging me into the turmoil and pain all over again.

  As the images on the screen play out, showing the venue, I can’t think straight. The blonde hair and blue eyes are so familiar. The soon-to-be bride smiles at the camera, she’s so polished. All her life she’s practiced for this day. Just like her daddy would want, it’s the picture perfect family.

  She’s marrying Cole Ashford. Shit. Shit. Shit. I am going to Ivy’s sister’s wedding, and there’s no doubt I will see my girl. My girl. Even though I walked away, she will always be mine.

  There won’t be anyone else who can make me
feel, breathe, ache, the way she did. The way she still does. My Firefly. Rooted inside my heart, mind, and soul, inside the very marrow of my bones.

  I grab my phone and scroll through my recently called list. As I am about to tap the call button, it vibrates. He’s probably just seen the news as well. “Luke.”

  “Holy shit man. What are you going to do?”

  “This is a big deal for Verán Publishers, there’s no way I can refuse the job.” There isn’t a way to just tell one of our biggest new clients I can’t work for him. They requested me personally and Lacey must know who I am. Why would she ask for me by name? There is no explanation that makes sense.

  “Jayce, one of the other guys can go.” I consider his words, but this is my job and I can’t let the company down. We have exclusive rights to the wedding, and the contract alone is worth a cool million.

  My mouth is as dry as the Sahara Desert. Arid and uncomfortable. Panic slowly sets in as my heart thuds in my chest, and the lump forming in my throat makes it hard to swallow. “Jay?”

  I can’t find the words to answer him. Shaking my head, I turn off the television. The screen goes black and I inhale a deep calming breath. Only, there will be nothing to calm the stress I am feeling right now.

  “I don’t know.” It’s the truth. I don’t know. The sigh from the other end of the line has my body tense. He knows that seeing Ivy will knock me on my ass. The love of your life, the one that got away, walking back into your world is something no person can prepare you for.

  “You know I support whatever you want. Don’t fuck yourself up over this.” He’s right, and I know he will support me if I decide not to do this.

  Can I really see her again? Yes.

  Can I see her father and not want to knock him the fuck out? Maybe not.

  Will she talk to me? I hope so.

  There are so many questions running rampant in my head, but I decide there and then. All I can hope is that it’s the right choice. I do want this, to see her. I want to look into those blue eyes and see if she still feels something for me.