Shattered by Love Read online

  I remember Luke talking about his ex-girlfriend, but I can’t remember what happened to her. It must have done a number on him because his trust in women is non-existent. His emotional wall is solid. It’s a fortress that will never come down. At least, I don’t think it will.

  Seeing Cole again today brought back memories I had forgotten. A time when I was content with my life. I suppose that’s how Jay feels about his ex because those feelings never go away. Your first love is someone that no person can replace, and I refuse to be second best. Never. I know I deserve more, something real, and I realize I will never have that with Jayce.

  Cole and I were high school sweethearts. He was the all-star quarterback, and I was the head cheerleader. Talk about cliché. I remember the first time I saw Cole. He was walking to class. The final bell rang, and we had to rush to get to Chem lab. When I turned the corner, he smacked into me, books flying. I was on my ass looking up at the most handsome boy I had ever seen. It all began from there, and we dated into our college years.

  Until the day I walked out. There was no point in beating around the bush. I didn’t want to get married, and he did. He took longer to replace me than I thought it would.

  * * *

  “Cherry Pie, we love each other. This is the next step. I want to spend my life with you, beside you, inside you.” His beautiful eyes implore me. I love Cole, I always will. But being with him, marrying him, means I need to give up on my dream. The one thing I want to do with my life does not coincide with becoming Mrs. Ashford, and I will not let go of who I am or what I want to be. There are certain expectations that come with being tied to his family. The fear of losing myself is too much.

  “I can’t.” Turning on my heel, I face the stairs, my eye on the door just beyond. My escape. He brought me out to the penthouse to propose, and if I walk out of that door, I will not be coming back, I know that, but there is no other way around it. I have my life to think about. A future that will not have Cole in it. The reality of that breaks me and my heart throbs, aches and splinters, but I need to be strong.

  There are things that happened he can never know, it’s something that will ruin his life and mine. I need to walk away because I can never face him and live with the lie.

  “Kenna.”

  “Goodbye Cole.” As soon as the words tumble from my mouth, my body wracks with a sob that I swallow back. He can’t see me break. I rush to the door and pull it open. Without a backward glance, I leave the love of my life, the man who completes me. Why? Because being controlled by the weight of the Ashford name is a guarantee of what would happen. As soon as I sit in the back of a cab, the tears flow freely. The pain in my chest is almost unbearable. I am now left with a gaping hole in my heart that can never be filled.

  My lunch with Cassie was what I expected, frustrating.

  * * *

  “Cass.” I pull her into a tight hug. Tension radiates from her in waves and I realize this is about Kenna and me, or more about the fact that I am an asshole.

  “Jayce, we have to talk. Actually, I need to talk and you will listen.” Once she’s seated in the bench opposite me, I take in those brown eyes that my best friend fell in love with. “You need to get your shit together and make sure you do not hurt her.” Her tirade falls from her lips and all I can do is nod because she’s right. “She will fall for you, it’s what she does, she loves hard. I want to see you both happy and if that means it’s separately, then so be it. But Kenna is not one of your model floozies.”

  “Cassie, I know. I am aware she’s hurt, and it’s because of me, so I am going to take her to dinner, as a way of apology. Before any of this started, I told her that I will never love her. That I cannot put a ring on her finger. It’s not who I am, or what I want.” The resignation in her eyes tells me she understands.

  “You’re both hurting, and it bothers me. I love you and I love her. You’re both adults and you don’t need me to tell you how to live your life.” Taking her hand in mine, I give it a gentle squeeze.

  “I will sort it out. Tell me how you are?”

  “I am okay. Luke is still trying to sort out the problems that Claudia caused. Have you heard from Sasha?” My estranged sister that ran as soon as the shit hit the fan. She and Lucien’s step-mother tried to swindle Verán Industries from Luke after his father passed away. We stopped them, but my sister high-tailed it out of the country and now we can’t find her.

  “No. And I don’t care where she is.” Her eyes hold sympathy for me. She knows deep down I want a family, but the way my life is playing out at the moment, there is no chance of that happening.

  * * *

  I understand that she doesn’t want her best friend hurt, but Kenna is a grown woman. She knows that I will not marry her, that it’s nothing serious, it can’t be. We’re both adults. The sex is good, it’s fucking amazing, but there is too much shit going on in my head to think about forever. With a quick glance at my phone, I notice the time, I need to get ready. Kenna picked the restaurant, and even though I don’t want to go there, and I realize I can’t tell her why. My resistance to talk about Ivy is second nature.

  She is still embedded so deep inside my soul that every time I think about her, I physically ache. Maybe that’s why I’m such a dick. There’s no feelings involved, just a good fuck. Love? That’s a joke. Turning on the shower, I strip out of my clothes. As the steam fogs the bathroom and I step under the spray, my eyes close. Her blue eyes pierce me, pulling me under their spell. A shiver runs down my spine and straight to my cock that’s now rock hard. Gripping my steel shaft, I stroke myself to a memory of the first night Ivy posed for me. The night we explored the dark desire we both shared.

  * * *

  “Are you sure, Flash?” Those pretty eyes stare at me in shock.

  “It’s okay, Firefly. Just turn and face the window.” We’re in my apartment, which is twenty floors up, nowhere near anyone’s prying eyes. My camera is on the tripod and I am ready to capture her in the beautiful black lingerie that hugs her curves. She doesn’t argue and turns to face away from my heated stare that I am sure she can feel.

  She wants to be my model. Choosing to pose in the tiniest scrap of material. Stepping up behind the lens, I snap the first shot. Her breathing is the only other sound in the room. I love watching her move, her poses always make me hard as rock with her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders. “Bend for me, kitten.”

  She does and I almost come in my jeans. Her tiny thong barely covers her bare little cunt. It’s smooth, tight, and glistening. “Spread your legs.” Her long toned legs open and I catch a glimpse of her beautiful smooth lips pushing out of the material that’s meant to be covering her.

  This is going to be fun. I snap a few more shots, then take the camera off the tripod as I walk over to her, and I capture her from all angles. Her tits are beautiful and creamy, forcing their way out of the tight corset. “Turn toward me.” Her head turns toward me with a wicked glint in her ice blue gaze. Her mouth tugs into a mischievous smile.

  “Flash...” I shake my head. She knows she needs to be quiet. When I am behind the camera, I am in charge.

  “Play with yourself. Lean against the window sill and touch that sweet cunt for me.” Without another word her hands fall to her thong, pushing it aside. I watch, transfixed as her index finger slips between her pink flesh. Sitting myself on the floor between her legs. I snap her from below. The flash goes off, again and again. Over and over. She’s nearing the edge. “Stop.” The command is loud and booms around us.

  Her eyes snap open, glazed by lust. Yearning. “Again.” Her fingers flick her clit. I watch her plunge them into her glistening pussy. As she nears the edge again, I stop her. “Enough.” Her whimper is evidence of her needing release. Keeping her on edge, it’s beautiful, seeing her ache for me, my touch. I push up from my position and walk over to the table. Placing my camera down, I am free to do anything I want to her.

  Stalking over to her, I drop my jeans. Those big blue
eyes are wide as she watches me. I grip her hips, pulling her against me roughly. “You better be ready little one, because you’re getting fucked tonight.” Her whimper is all I hear as my mouth crashes on hers, swallowing her sounds. My tongue licks into her, tasting the sweet essence of my Ivy. My hands move to her tiny pert ass, gripping it tight, I lift her. She wraps her legs around my waist without question and I pin her against the window. Ripping the tiny thong off, I drive into her slick heat. “Jesus.” She’s so fucking tight, as her core pulses around my cock.

  “Jayce.”

  “That’s it, Firefly. That’s all you will ever fucking scream.” With every word I plough deeper into her as her breathless moans of my name linger in the lust filled air surrounding us. Her body writhes against mine as I fuck her. “My. Fucking. Name.” My words send her shattering over the edge and her cunt tightens around me.

  “Jayce!” She cries out, scratching her nails down my back. Another deep thrust and my orgasm splinters through me, filling her tight little body.

  * * *

  A release shoots down my spine and I growl out her name as my body shudders and watch as the cum washes down the drain. Shaking my head to clear it from the memory, I grab my shower gel and lather up. Thoughts of her constantly invade my mind and that was one of the best nights we spent together. I fucked her a few more times after that. It was her first night with me at my apartment.

  As the water cools, I step out and grab a towel. I pad into the bedroom and over to the walk-in closet, grabbing my black jeans and a charcoal button-down shirt. The place we are eating at is dressy. I prefer a more casual place, but I have to apologize to Kenna for what happened this morning.

  Tugging on my boxers and jeans, I head to the kitchen and grab a beer. Twisting the cap off, I down nearly half the bottle when I hear my phone buzz on the counter and glance down at it. Kenna. Sliding the screen, I answer the call. “Hey gorgeous.”

  “Jayce, I am running a few minutes late. Can we meet at the restaurant at seven thirty instead of seven?” She’s always late. It’s adorable.

  “Yeah, that’s fine. I was just getting dressed. I’ll take a cab in because I feel like having a drink tonight.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. See you later.” I hang up and check the time. I have another thirty minutes. Perfect.

  In my bedroom, I grab my shirt and pull it on, while buttoning it up, I cut a glance in the mirror. I run my fingers through my messy hair and walk back into the living room. I tug my boots on and I am ready to go. With my wallet and phone in my pocket, and my keys in hand, I head out of my apartment and call a cab.

  The restaurant we’re going to used to be my favorite, but I haven’t been there in years. Since I had everything and I let it slip through my fingers. Jesus, I have to get out of this slump. I need to bury myself in a hot tight pussy, that will make me feel better.

  Once my cab pulls up to the sidewalk, I slip into the backseat and give him the name of the place I am headed. Sitting back, I watch the houses pass by as he weaves through the evening traffic. My phone rings before I make it to the restaurant. “Jayce Alexander.”

  “Mr. Alexander, my apologies for calling you so late. This is Cole Ashford. You’re handling my wedding photo shoot and I wanted to just confirm you’re comfortable with the arrangement to fly to New Orleans a few days earlier?”

  “Yes, that’s not a problem, Mr. Ashford.”

  “Call me Cole, please? I will email the flight details to you first thing in the morning. My fiancée would like a shoot done before the wedding around the French Quarter, so we need to scope out the area. Since you’re the professional, I would like your input.”

  “Sounds good. When do I fly out?”

  “It will be in two-week’s time.” He responds and I can tell he’s smiling. I nod.

  “Good. See you then, Cole.”

  “We’re here, Sir.” I glance out the window. I pay the cab driver and get out the car. Walking up to the restaurant, the memory hits me like a freight train. I was going to ask her to move in with me, to pack her bags and come to LA. That was before her father sunk his claws into our relationship. It was our anniversary, and I planned something special. My internship with Verán Publishers was confirmed, and she was graduating soon, the timing was perfect. It’s a bittersweet memory because not long after, I left – alone.

  * * *

  “Jayce, this is so fancy. You didn’t have to do this.” Ivy glances at me. I can tell she’s wondering how I will pay for dinner, but she doesn’t have to. Lucien loaned me the money to take her out. It’s our four-year anniversary, and I had to make it special. I couldn’t take her to the diner in town because that would have been embarrassing. She’s not like the other girls, money doesn’t faze her, but I need tonight to be special for her.

  “Baby, would you listen, it’s an important evening, so please, just relax.” Lacing my hand in hers, we make our way inside. The hostess glances at us with a small smile. “Reservation for Alexander.” She checks the book in front of her. A quick nod and she’s grabbing our menu’s.

  “Follow me.” We do, and she leads us to the small booth I had specifically requested. Ivy and I slip into the comfortable seating. We’re alone for a few moments, and my heart rate picks up because I want to ask Ivy to move in with me. Needless to say I am nervous but I want her with me. I have been earning money doing odd jobs here and there, and I managed to rent my own apartment. Luke and I are headed to Los Angeles to start work at Verán Publishers. I want to ask her now so that will give her a few months to talk to her parents about it.

  “Flash, are you okay? You look pale.” Her soft voice has me glancing up into those beautiful sapphire eyes.

  “Yeah, I am just excited to be here with you, Firefly. And I have a gift for you.” Before I can present her with the small box, the waiter comes over to take our order. As soon as he’s gone, I look up at my beautiful girl.

  “Handsome, I told you not to buy me anything.” Placing the sleek black velvet box in front of her. I watch her eyes light up. It’s not Tiffany’s, but it’s something I know she will love. With delicate fingers, she picks up the gift, and snaps it open. Her soft gasp is a beautiful sound and suddenly my mind flits back to her gasping when I slammed into her only hours before in her bedroom.

  “Do you like it, Firefly?” My heart is racing, she’s so quiet, but when she lifts her gaze to mine, there are tears brimming in her beautiful eyes. She slowly pulls the bracelet from the box and hands it to me.

  “It’s perfect, like you.” Her smile lights up the restaurant. I lock the thin silver chain around her wrist, the small Firefly pendant shimmers in the candlelight.

  “I am not perfect, baby. You are.”

  “I love you, Jayce.”

  “And I love you, baby. Always. You’re my forever, Firefly.”

  “Cole, I can’t believe you bought me a whole cherry pie.” My exclamation has him chuckling. It had been a long day at school, we’re studying for finals, and as much as I hate studying, I am excited to get to college.

  I have been bundled up in my comforter all evening feeling the effects of a cold coming on.

  “Something sweet should make you feel better, baby.” He brings the fork to my lips and I stifle the groan when the tantalizing flavor of cherries explodes on my tongue.

  When my eyes open, I am face to face with his laughing brown ones. “Your moaning will make me want to do something else to you.” His cheeky wink earns him a giggle.

  “Cole Ashford!” We’ve only done it a couple times before, but the thought of him bestowing naughty pleasures on me has my core pulsing. We sit back on the bed as he feeds me tiny pieces at a time, reveling in the moans I make. I fall asleep sated in his arms, knowing my parents didn’t mind if he was here.

  When I wake up, he is gone. Rolling over I grab my phone to send him a message, but find one from him instead.

  *I love you, Cherry Pie*

  * * *

&
nbsp; I never lived down the fact that I had consumed the whole pie and even now, he still remembers. Shaking my head at the memory, I step into the foyer of the restaurant. “I am meeting Mr. Alexander?” The hostess nods and turns towards the main area which is bustling. I follow her through the throng of tables to a secluded booth.

  As we near the table, I see him leaning against the bench seat dressed in a dark shirt that makes his blue eyes pop. His smooth tanned skin and the scruff on his angular jaw has me wanting to run my hands over it. There is no doubt he is incredibly gorgeous. Sometimes, he knows it too. He’s every woman’s wet dream, mine too, but he isn’t Cole. He’ll never be the man I once loved and still do.

  “Ken, princess, how are you?” He rises to greet me with a soft peck on the cheek. The gesture is friendly, but there’s something wrong. Tension is radiating off him in waves. I slip into the booth opposite him and before he can get a word in edge wise, I jump in with both feet.

  “So you’ve wrangled your way into the wedding I am designing for?” Cutting a glance at him, I notice his smirk and I can’t help questioning him. “Why, Jayce?”

  “They wanted me, I didn’t contact them. There was no reason for me to intrude on your event.” He downs the beer and signals for another. “What are you drinking?” Blue eyes settle on me as he takes in my appearance with a slow sensual stare.

  “Double vodka, lime, and soda.” An Arctic questioning gaze pins me to my seat and I shrug nonchalantly. “It’s been a long day.”

  “Really? Why don’t I believe you?” He turns to our waiter and places the order. As soon as we’re alone, the heat of his scrutinizing glare burns into me.