Shattered by Love Read online

  “Don’t worry about me, I can do this.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shut my eyes. The lie turns my stomach. This isn’t any job, this one will change my life and I’m not sure if it will be for better or worse. My voice is thick with emotion and he will hear it in my voice.

  “Look, Jayce, that woman is ingrained in your fucking soul, there’s no way around not letting it fuck with your head. Both of you are going to get hit with emotions long buried. If you love her, then you need to tell her why you left. The truth needs to fucking come out, or you’re both going to live with this shit your whole life.” My gaze lifts to my bedroom window as Luke’s words sink in. I know he’s right, and it annoys me.

  “I’m supposed to tell her I left because her father threatened me?” I question incredulously. How can I tell her that because of her father’s conniving ways I walked out on her? I let her go.

  “Yes, you should. Honesty, is your best option. Jayce, she loved you once, she probably still does.”

  “And if she doesn’t?” The tightening in my chest as the words leave my mouth suffocates me. Not knowing if she loves me is killing me. He’s right; I have to talk to her.

  “Jay, you knew her better than anyone, better than her own father did. Do you really think she didn’t love you?” The ache that the thought brings on renders me speechless. Memories of her smile, those sparkling blue eyes, her sweet giggle all surround me, squeezing my heart till I am gasping for breath. “Jayce.” Lucien’s voice snaps me out of the tunnel of memories assaulting me like a wave knocking a surfer from his board. It’s gripping me and pulling me deeper under the swell.

  “I know. No. I mean, I know she loved me. But that’s just the problem. It was years ago. I am older, so is she and five years is a long time. I left her. I threw her out of my apartment.”

  “Yes, it’s been too long. Grow a pair and talk to her. Make things right, if you don’t, you’ll never be able to move on.” I swing my legs off the bed and push off it. Stalking to the window, I take in the ink sky.

  “What if I don’t want to move on?” My voice is rough. His sigh is evidence enough that he’s frustrated. He is trying to help and I am being a dick.

  “Then don’t. I can’t force you to, but you have to realize, you’ll end up alone for the rest of your life.” The line is quiet for a long time and I think my best friend has hung up on my sorry ass, but then he continues. “Jayce, I want you to find what I have with Cass, and I know it will never be Kenna. And you know how I know that?” He doesn’t wait for my answer to continue. “Because you’re still in love with Ivy. You always will be.”

  “Yeah. I have to go.” Before he can give me more shit, I hang up and head to the studio. Uncovering the canvas I worked on the previous day, I tug off my tee and pick up my palette. It’s messy with colors smudged together, the acrid scent of turpentine is rife and I take a deep breath. The smell never fails to calm me. Memories haunt me as I gaze at the faded blue on the canvas in front of me.

  * * *

  “Ivy, sit still, baby.” It’s the fifth time I needed to tell her that. She’s adorable because I know how difficult it is for her to be still. Her glare is cute, and her groan doesn’t go unnoticed. We’re in the studio with the blinds drawn. The dim light of dusk shines through the slats and onto her beautifully languid body.

  She’s dressed in a pair of white panties and nothing else. Her incredible breasts heave as she huffs her frustration. Taut, pink nipples tease me as I appraise them from my stool at the easel.

  “Flash, my back hurts.” The soft whisper of her voice sends a shiver down my spine. I love when she whimpers. She’s draped over an onyx chaise longue and the arch in her back is exquisite in the dying light. Her long blonde hair hangs over the edge, fanning against the velvet. She’s a silhouette, but I know every inch of her perfect body.

  “Lie back baby, I have a small section to do, then we can finish the rest tomorrow.” She nods with a small smile. Turning my attention back to the intricate painting, I add the color to the edge where her delicate feet are perched. As soon as the last stroke is done, I drop the palette and stroll over to her. Lifting her, I place a soft kiss on the side of her mouth. “Now, you’re getting fucked.”

  A whimper and giggle pass her lips. Big blue eyes peer up at me under hooded lashes. Carrying her to my bedroom, I lay her on the bed. “Hold on tight, Firefly.” Her hands grip the wood above her head as her legs splay open. I can smell her sweet scent. It intoxicates me and my head is filled with lust for her. To take her, make her writhe and beg for release. Draw the orgasm directly from her soul. “You smell so sweet, baby. I’m going to eat your pussy until you can’t breathe.”

  Her beautiful cheeks are dusted with a blush that spreads down to her chest. “I want you, Flash.”

  My fingers tug her panties, sliding them over her delicate hips, down to her ankles. Once they hit the floor, I turn to her. “Open.” Her legs spread at my command. Her soft, pink flesh glistens with arousal. “So beautiful. Hold on, okay?” When my gaze locks on hers, I see her teeth biting into her bottom lip. Kneeling between her legs, I feather kisses on her inner thighs. The way her body trembles has me smiling against her smooth creamy skin.

  “Jayce, I need you.”

  With a slow ascent, I move up and as soon as my mouth closes on her bare cunt, her body wracks with pleasure. Her hips buck and I have to hold her down. My fingers press into her so hard I know she’ll be marked. That’s fine, because she’s mine. When she calms, I suck her throbbing clit, grazing my teeth lightly over it. Peering up, I notice she’s relaxed and sated, then I bite down, and a release shatters through her. Her cries and screams echo through my bedroom. Her voice is raspy as she calls my name, over and over again.

  Chanting.

  Praising.

  Begging.

  I slip two fingers into her and she pulses around me. Crooking my digits against her sweet spot, her body locks as another release shoots through her. I love watching her come undone.

  Drinking in her sweet arousal, my mind is foggy with need. The flavor of strawberries and vanilla is heady and has my cock aching to drive into her. Her words are barely a whisper. “Flash, I can’t…” As her voice trails off, I lift my gaze, her hold on the headboard is loose, and she’s limp from the two orgasms that shook her.

  “You can baby, give me one more.” Icy blue orbs stare at me and a small smile lifts her sweet mouth. Kneeling up, my briefs are shoved down in no time. Fisting my steel shaft, I stroke myself and her eyes light up with desire. “One more for me, Firefly?” Her nod is enough. Teasing her dripping pussy with the crown of my cock, I thrust so slow its pure torture.

  Her legs lock around my waist and I drive inside the most incredible woman I have ever known. Her body accepts me, sucking me into her tight entrance. Without warning, I slam into Ivy so deep and so hard that her breath is knocked from her.

  Gripping her ankles, I position them on my shoulders. Her incredible tits bounce with every thrust. “That’s my girl. My Firefly.”

  “Jayce, fuck. Oh… God… Uh…” Her moans and whimpers spur me on. My hips slam into her. My balls tighten with my release. I need her with me. Reaching between us, I press the pad of my thumb to her clit. Circling it. Teasing her. “Flash!” Her body spasms under me, her cunt squeezing around me, pulling me in deeper. My head drops and I plunge deep into her heated core as my release shoots into her waiting body.

  Pulling my long blonde hair into a messy bun, I take a quick glance in the mirror. My eyes are puffy from crying, but there’s not much I can do now. I need to get to work and rid myself of the memories of him.

  Today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life when my father told me I needed to move schools. I didn’t though, all he wanted was me away from Jay. Most of the kids at college heard the rumors, and I wanted them to. That month I left school and only finished my degree later in life.

  It’s also the day I walked out of that tiny one-bedroom apartment and ne
ver looked back. That’s what he asked me to do. He let me leave, forced me to. And I let him. Sitting on my bed, I open the box and pull out the photos.

  As soon as they’re spread out, I stare at them. I still don’t understand why he pushed me away. Why didn’t he fight for us? For me? I have tried to makes sense of what happened, but I can’t. Glancing at each picture, I pick up one in particular. A black and white shot where I am dressed in a charcoal corset with red lace, the matching thong fitted me perfectly.

  When Jayce saw me, the hunger that filled his expression sent heat over my skin warming me like a blazing fire in the dead of winter.

  He always had a way of making me feel like I was the only person in the world. That nothing else mattered. He saw through the rich girl tag that everyone put on me and found the real me. The way a camera flash cuts through the dark, he used to shine his light through me. Always capturing the best part of me. My Flash.

  * * *

  “Jayce, I want to pose for you again.” Since we started dating, he’s shown me pleasures beyond what my mind can fathom. He’s made me feel, ache, beg, and cry, but he’s also made me soar. I love posing for him, having those ice blue pools wash over me, making me feel desired.

  There’s something about the way the flash lights up a dark room that sends a thrill of excitement through my body like little sparks of electricity turning me on like a light switch. It makes me want his hungry gaze on me.

  “Are you sure? You know you don’t have to.” He loves it, it’s in his expression. The need to have complete control over my body. To command my movements, my body, my poses. I nod. With a smile, I drop the dressing gown and I swear his eyes sparkle, as if millions of stars just blinked on in the dark sky. The blue is luminous in my dimly lit bedroom.

  “Do you like?” I twirl, giving him a three sixty view of the red and charcoal lace corset. The ribbons criss-cross along the length of my torso, down to the small of my back.

  “Fuck, you’re beautiful.” When he leans in to give me a kiss, I pull him in, savoring the taste that is Jayce Alexander. I never thought I would want to please a man in such a way that he controls me, my body, and my pleasure, but with him, it comes naturally.

  When he breaks the kiss, a whimper tumbles from my lips. The naughty smirk that tugs at his mouth has butterflies freewheeling in my belly.

  “Flash, please?” His eyebrows furrow in confusion and I know it’s because of the name I called him. “You have brought out hidden parts of me, Jayce. You see who I am inside. The flash of a camera lights the dark and focuses on the hidden. Capturing it with a photo, you capture me with your heart.”

  His hands trail down to my hips, gripping them and tugging me closer. The fact that he knows how to make my whole body ache with a need I have never known, has me wanting to please him in the same way. To show him how much I am falling, deeply and unquestionably. He’s my Flash, it’s the only way I can describe how I see him.

  * * *

  He owned me, completely and irrevocably. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do with him, for him. Trust is something he never had to ask of me, it was his from the first day we met. That was five years ago, now at twenty-six, I am still alone, missing him. I had known Jayce a lot longer than the years we dated, I remember him when he was at school. A senior.

  He was always with Luke, his best friend. I didn’t think he ever noticed me, at least he didn’t act like he did. Until my high-school graduation, when he walked right up to me and told me he wanted to take my photo one day. I giggled at first, thinking he was crazy, but deep down my belly fluttered with excitement and I nodded.

  That’s how we started. It’s a day that will forever be one of the best days of my life. My favorite memory of him. Remembering the sexy smirk that tugged at his lips when I nodded still has my body coming alive, when I agreed to let him have his wicked way with me. The sinful things he did to me still has me aching and pulsing with need. No man has ever come close to making me feel what he did.

  It’s when I let my father rule my life that things went to shit. Yes, I thought it was for the better, but deep down saying goodbye to Jayce was the biggest mistake of my life.

  Now I sit here, unable to love, or feel anything close to it, because the only man I ever loved is gone. The day we broke up plays in an endless loop in my mind.

  Nothing I could have done or said would have changed his mind, but maybe I should have been stronger and forced his hand. Made him tell me why, or asked for a better excuse, but I didn’t.

  It wasn’t only until later; after he had already left, did I find out the truth of what happened that day. Thanks to Lacey, I learned that my father had a hand in my life more than I could have imagined. That’s when I left the Devereaux household and never looked back.

  I was so tired of being the pawn in my father’s game. The perfect daughter. Granted, I dated Jayce to piss my dad off, but I fell in love with him. The realization that there was so much more to live for, had me needing a life outside of the manufactured one my father planned for me. When Jayce plundered my body, he took my heart along with it.

  We were both deeply infatuated with each other. So in love that I couldn’t deny him and I gave him the sacred part of myself. He took my virginity, and I gave it willingly. There is nothing about my relationship with him I regret, not the choices I made, and not the things we did. Even when he introduced me to a world of darker delights, my body hummed with pleasure at every turn.

  Maybe that’s why I still love him. He has something of me that no other man will ever have. Even though he walked away—pushed me away—I know it meant something to him. That night will forever be lodged in his mind. The way he felt inside me. The pain and pleasure of him as our bodies melded in a blissful erotic dance.

  Shaking my head, I flop down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. God, what I wouldn’t do to have him here right now. To see me the independent girl he always said I could be. He’d be so proud.

  “Ivy?” I turn to face my best friend. Bryce. He’s been my rock through everything, he knows everything about my past. He’s told me time and again to find Jayce, to talk to him and tell him how I feel, but I can’t. There’s no way I can even think about seeing that ice-blue stare again. To have him look at me with disgust when he finds out what I have been keeping from him all this time.

  “What?” Glancing at Bryce, I can see his irritation. It’s evident.

  “Are you doing this again?” He points to the box and photos.

  “I am not doing anything. Are we going to work now?” He doesn’t answer, but the quick shrug tells me he’s not happy with my trip down memory lane.

  “In a few, we have time. Are you going to the wedding? I mean you have to be there.”

  “I do. Unfortunately, Lacey will not let me forego her wedding. Since she’s marrying that rich douchebag, I have to be present and accounted for. She’s asked me to be the maid of honor.” He stares at me with a smirk. “You’re coming with me. You do know that?”

  “I know. Do you want to head to Los Angeles after?” Sitting up quickly, I stare at him. I know Jayce lives in LA, he moved there permanently when he started work with Verán Publishers.

  I know why he’s asking. He does it every time we plan a trip. “Yes, sure. It’s a big place, and it’s not like I will walk out of the airport and bump into him.” My eyes find his brown ones. They’re like chocolate drops. Bryce is handsome, but he’s like a brother to me.

  “Baby girl, I know. I wasn’t sure you would feel comfortable being in the same city. Chances are you will see him. You know fate is a bitch.” We both burst out laughing. He reckons that Jayce, and I are fated, meant to be together, but if we couldn’t make it work the first time, I don’t see how we can ever make it work a second time.

  “Yeah, because fate will step up and finally put me and Jayce together and he will see me and tell me he’s sorry and wants me back.” My tone is sarcastic and incredulous all rolled into one nervous ramble.


  “Ivy, you never know. You’ve lived like a nun since he left. I have known you forever and I remember Jayce. The life he lived wasn’t the best and for him to walk away from you was the stupidest thing he ever did, and he knows it.” I pin him with a questioning glare, he’s never been so adamant about me speaking to my ex-boyfriend. Sure he’s told me to do it, but never with such certainty.

  “How do you know?” Narrowing my eyes, I watch his reaction waiting for a response which never comes.

  “I am getting coffee. The wedding is in two weeks, you decide. Because once your sister is off on her honeymoon, you will go see him.” He walks out of the room leaving me with my mind reeling. If I saw Jayce again, I am not sure I could walk away. I love him. Always will. The question remains, does he love me?

  * * *

  The office is quiet since we’ve just gone to print with the new edition of the magazine I work for. When I sit idly like this, nothing good ever comes of it. Opening a web browser, Google pops up and I type in the name I have avoided for a long time.

  Jayce Alexander.

  My finger hovers over the Enter key for what feels like hours. My heart thunders in my ears, I am scared of finding out he’s moved on. To see him with someone else would shatter me once and for all, but my heart is adamant, and I make my decision.

  The search results show he’s still working with Lucien, which I already knew. I click on the images tab and my breath is stolen when I come face to face with familiar eyes and handsomely rugged features.

  He’s filled out. He was always built to perfection, making him the target for most girls, but he only had eyes for me. I smile at the thought that I could be his only love. Could I?

  Bringing my attention back to the screen, I find a few pictures of him on location and some at an awards ceremony. He’s got a beautiful girl—dressed in a sleek black gown that hugs her curves perfectly—draped on his arm. The caption tells me her name. Kenna. There’s something between them, but his smile isn’t real. I know this man better than I know myself. He’s not happy. Does that mean he still thinks about me? Still loves me?